JOY in the Lord.

2006-12-22T11:25:00.001+08:00

i moved again.
sorry.
ask for my url yourself.
it will be on my msn nick, for just awhile (:

i moved. cause i chose to move on.

2006-12-22T11:25:00.000+08:00

i moved again.
sorry.
ask for my url yourself.
it will be on my msn nick, for just awhile (:

i moved. cause i chose to move on.

new.

2006-12-20T23:19:00.000+08:00

oh wells, think im not gg for that job again. aw. hate last min thing. anyway. (:

ehhh:
ha, we both edited our posts. okay. haha. anyway, yeps. i was just going to say that, actually what are we disagree-ing abt? i mean its quite a small matter and because of my reactive nature(i guess) it kinda get worse also lah. so yepps, that's why i deleted tt post. anyway, i want to tell you that: im SO NOT against you or anything alrights? (: ya, so lets build this friendship again with Christ in the center. (: i know you have good intentions all along, i promise you that im aware that you have good intentions. maybe im just too reactive sometimes and for that, i guess i said sorry already.being prideful in certain things are my weakness too. oh and i have been wanting to say that, i've been trying to change for a very long time and im still trying.(this is to address the issue on you saying that, knowing that im like tt den why didnt i change.?) so yepps. (:

im feeling a little better now i hope. of all the self-defence /anger/ hurt/ disappointment/ sadness/ rejections/ uncared for feelings. God can be so near yet so far. i know there will be alot of major changes in Youth min and even in my life next year which i really need to pray abt for directions. im in this stage of life that i want to help others but i need to help myself kinda thing. and alot of times im very defensive of myself and being human, i think i dont want ppl to know abt me and the ugly side i guess. but oh wells. im not perfect, everyone have flaws. at least im trying to do something abt it. (:

the storms in life will not overwhelmed you, but God's Love will.

yongling.

reply!

2006-12-19T13:55:00.000+08:00

okay. the last entry was deleted. cause i dont see how it serves any purpose. it only leads things worse. so yepps.

moments of defence. wrong words. sorry tho.

die to fate.

2006-12-18T21:04:00.000+08:00

well, went town with merv today. glad that beryl, caryn and amanda all did well for Nlevels (:

okay. to the one who thinks im talking to you: heh. well i read your blog. sometimes i dont know what's going on. you always blogged as if i did something wrong and it always portrait me as a bad girl tt hurt you. i didnt do anything to hurt you ya. if i do, pls tell me can. i dont understand why you always put all the blame to yourself? i just dont get it. sometimes its totally not your fault but you insisted tt its because of you. i have always appreciate you as a very good friend and for all tt you had done k. dont think too much. whatever happens in the next following year, i dont know. but well for now, friendship lasts.

alrights. im been feeling weird as usual. ha. im really not in the mood for anything. the title for my blog is JOY in the Lord. but well, joy? what joy? im really losing alot right. joy, peace, strength, passion for the Lord, love, care, ppl, kor, myself... and ah, i really dont feel like working. ): i need a life man.

times flies. and christmas is so near. Christmas. it once again remind us of His love and the reason He came and all tt we are gg thru, He been there done that. what will become of me this christmas and what will i do? for myself and for Jesus. another trial for faithfulness, and we shall see in the days to come..

whatver shall be, shall be.

untitled

2006-12-17T22:36:00.000+08:00

I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light
I can't remember how
I can't remember why
I'm lying here tonight

And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain

How could this happen to me?
I've made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me?

Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again

So I try to hold on
On to a time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No I can't

How could this happen to me?
I've made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me?

I've made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me?

lost.

2006-12-15T10:04:00.000+08:00

i suppose to go for an interview today at AMK @ 9am. but i didnt. cause im not in the mood to go. i cried from ytd night,11plus to this morning abt 4am. i hate to cry.

i was sitting at bethel hall ytd. just looking at them practising for CATB. and i start to wonder. what in the world am i doing? im not even serving anymore. i looked at all the enthu faces, all the joyfulness. how it reminded me of last time.. when i was so on for God, so enthu and joyful in the Lord. ppl change, i think i do too.

somethings are just not so simple. and trusting God becomes something tt is so hard to even think abt. all the things tt ppl said i know, but i just find it hard to go back sometimes. i think i lost my way. just like any other things tt i lost. it cannot be replaced. i cant find tt passionate for God girl anymore. maybe she's hiding, i cant find her anywhere. im such a sinner.

its been a lonely year.. things never gonna be the same anymore. and without the passionat for God girl, i dont know what i will become.

ya. im nothing all along. bye.

depressed&broken to the core.

you left me with no choice.

hate!

2006-12-15T08:35:00.000+08:00

i havent been hurt so badly before, maybe once.

I HATE YOU. REALLY.
watch me fade away.

im not the same anymore, i told you so.
IHATEYOU.

from 12dec06 on. it changed.

this is the long goodbye.

pieces.

2006-12-13T15:42:00.000+08:00

you are a leader, im not. you click well with alot, i dont. you can impact lives of the younger ones better than me. you are organise things better than me. even the 2 person im closest with think you are better. others can see what you do, they appreaicate and praise you like crazy. i done so much but i got nothing. damm it. you got my friends and click better with them now. everyone looks for you to talk to now. im just nothing now.ppl thinks you are more sensible, im not. whatever.everyone thinks you are better..guess you can do more for ministry i cant.so its time for me to go. since everyone thinks you are so good. then you go be the one to support everything.im tired of supporting everything and having the credits to you. i dont want to be the bad person anymore. i thought i still have tt 2 closest person with me, but i realised i dont.

why compare? cause i dont want to hide anymore.

LEAVE ME ALONE.
LEAVE ME ALONE!

you hit me so badly.

2006-12-13T12:13:00.000+08:00

... i dont know what to blog tho. ):

changed blogskin.
changed way of blogging.
changed friendships.
changed lifestyle.
changed you.
changed me.

sadness to me becomes something tt dont need a reason. being hurt doesnt need a reason anymore too..

even as tears filled my eyes, i swear i wont cry. i wont*

STOP ALL THE PRETENDS.

(:

2006-12-12T07:35:00.000+08:00

woke up early. so decided to do something tt i long to but havent done it for quite long.
SPIRITUAL GIFTS TEST! ha, i did it 2times before lah. (: just wanted to do again. so heres the result:

All Spiritual Gifts Results
Score
Spiritual Gifts

100% Servant/Helps
100% Mercy
100% Evangelist
89% Teacher
89% Leadership
89% Hospitality
89% Healing
89% Faith
89% Exhortation
8% Administration
67% Wisdom
67% Prophet
67% Pastor
56% Missionary
56% Intercession
56% Discernment
44% Artistry
33% Giving
22% Apostle
11% Music

well, nothing much has change, just tt mercy, helps, evangelism and leadership keep shifting their place. (: but thank God they are still the top few. (:

well, its time to put them into more use too! (: here i come~

p/s: oh and i think i twisted my ankle ytd. didnt know its quite bad, now i know. ha, cause i got problem trying to walk. pray k? (: i dont want see doc lah, quite scary =p

heavenly father.

2006-12-11T22:12:00.001+08:00

hey (: floorball today was good! had few issues but God is still good lah .(: yepps. poor eujin, hope he's better now. *smile*

met mervin for lunch at causeway and apparently we both were late from our meeting time haha. went up the foodcourt and we saw caryn and claire and yepps, we decided to eat together (:

and yes issues after issues and finally we could play floorball, tho not very proper.

went to val's house to bathe after floorball then da bao back to church for mervin and eujin. and thanks them a ton for shifting the tables and chairs back to places. (: and crap, i feel down from the stairs lah. and my leg hurts like mad. was talking on the phone with mervin then i dont know how, but i fell from the stairs and somehow twisted my ankle i guess. and yes, im limping. heh. *ouch lah* had a nice dinner with emrvin and eujin and we played taboo for awhile. they are such interesting brothers (:

and being such a nice person, kind mervin sent me back home cause i think he's killing some time and yes, im kinda limping remb (: he's just nice. thanks meRv! :D

i started on my christmas cards alrdy. if not i will be killing myself can, ha, need to write to so many people. din want to write any this year, but decided to cause christmas seems incomplete without the rushing to finish up writing cards the days before christmas service. (: and so you ppl are really blessed cause yongling is gg to write christmas cards! :D

was just thinking abt the many pl tt we lost during the years. guess christmas is really a good opportunity to invite them back to church again too! pls remb to k. (: very important.

being random, i was just thinking abt how another christmas will be like without daddy. its the 2nd year, but i cant really remb what last year was like. its a weird feeling. altho my family dont have the habit of celebrating christmas because my mum thinks its a western thing but daddy do bring us out to eat and i remb i use to claim christmas present from him, or perhaps just an excuse to buy new stuff. everytime there's a festival/ occassion, i will feel kinda weird cause daddy not ard to spend with us. tho my family members nv said anything abt it, i know they can feel it. something different. but seriously, i thanked God for His purpose.

and truly, i know tt God has always been that heavenly father, so close so near and you know, my heavenly Father has always been so loving. the uncondition love. well, i feel like tt prodigal son, or maybe actually i think im. always trying to run away. the more you run away, the further&longer you wish to go away, cause you are just too ashamed to come back and face Him. alrights, tt is if you know what i mean. im trying.

You are my heavenly Father.
yongling.

heavenly father.

2006-12-11T22:12:00.000+08:00

haha,

2006-12-07T16:18:00.000+08:00

never feel so bored before.
yucks. ):

hey dont forget, there's captain's ball on saturaday k? (:
ah, i got a feeling tt almost no one will turn up ): aw.

who still remb SFC?!?!?! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH.

okay. ignore me, im just bored and super super bored. ):

sadded can.

AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHhhh

2006-12-04T11:35:00.000+08:00

ah.im feeeling crappy. ):
ytd is so boring. everyone preparing for youth camp. ):
im not gg for youth camp ):
i canot go for senior youth retreat! ):
i cant go for this, that. feel so outta. AAHH. ):
oh wells.

went to church ytd for youth worship den went to meet mummy at causeway. i finally brought my table! my L-shape table (: love. and mummy wants to buy another wardrode for me. i really need to work man, must find money! (: need to pay money back to mummy mah. not everything lah but still must pray some. bummer.

suppose to meet my primary sch sister for job-hunting today. but she last min cant make it. ah ): so decided to meet carol and zhengying instead. since im so bored, and they are too. heh. (: kor left with one more paper! (: yeah! but oh wells.

im so sick. i got bad throat infection. AAHHH> throat hurts like crazy can. ): ah, i miss hanging out! i miss just relaxing. ): AAHh.i just i woke up at the wrong side of the bed today..again. ): im really not feeling okay. AHh. whatever.

2006-12-01T15:44:00.000+08:00

because of His great love, we are not consumed (:

i love the swing. but its only the swing.

the Lord is my sheperd.

hannah's post :D

2006-11-29T11:57:00.000+08:00

hello, hannah here!

yong ling is nice :D

YAY.

and and and

2006-11-28T22:27:00.000+08:00

aw. i dont know what to blog abt. heh. and i just change my blogskin. and im lazy to get a new tagboard. yes lazy. and i just came back from val's house not long ago. and im really tired. and i need to finish writing my card. and daniel bigfreak birthday today. and im so freak out by so many things. and i so need a break. and i need a retreat. and i miss kor. and i want ice cream. and i m so afraid tt my results will turn out not good. and i need to shop for sam's, rays's, bigfreak's present, and christmas's presents. aw. and im so broke. and i have so many christmas cards to write. and i want to sleep. and i need a job. and i need money. and i want a complete family. and i need a more responsible 2nd brother. and i want a IDENTIFIED outing. and i want to get SFC going. and i need to be more compassionate. and i need to be more joyful. and maybe simply i just need more of God in my life. and i just need rest. and living water.

soaring-passion: hey. too much are left unsaid tho. think we need to talk soon. you are really a great friend, nice brother. i like this friendship with you.

identified: we really need to meet up, pls.

kor: =) study hard and rest well pls. health are so much more important. :D love kor. JESUS knows best ya.

missionaryinmaking: wondering whether you have the chance to read this while you are busy serving God in cebu, but hey! =) thanks for lending me your crumpler. and ya, see you on 16dec. remb the chocs and me ah~ heh. takecare there brother!!!! :D :D

dancing in the freedom we know.

yongling

walk on, girl!

2006-11-24T11:40:00.000+08:00

hey hey. =)

powerkids camp was fun. but due to lack of rest, i fell sick again. man, terribly ill. =P and yes i kinda miss the kids now. :)

i like to listen to MP3 with the mode shuffle. and alot of times i click "next" to get to the diff songs i would like to listen at tt moment. and sometimes when im at tt particular song, i would play it over and over again. because i dont want to let it randomly jump to the next song, perhaps im afraid i might not like the next song. if you get what i mean, sometimes i felt tt how i handle my life is quite the same way. i hold onto something and i dont dare to let it go, because im afraid i might not like the changes tt will come along. and somehow i have to admit tt im afraid to let go and let God.

trust and obey

for there's no other way

to be happy in Jesus

but to trust and obey.

something im struggling with, but willing to follow Christ.
yongling.

move on, yl.

2006-11-20T23:14:00.000+08:00

finally. its over! heard that? its OVER! :D THANK GOD.

so so long since i blogged. and yes im still nt changing blogskin, surprise! heh. went out today with beryl and the rest. walk ard at IMM and had a eating spree there too. so full lah. =) went over to NUS to find my beloved kor! ha, NUS is such a wow place, i mean everywhere, you see ppl studying. oh man, ntohing else you can do there, really. the onlu thing is study. =)

i need to get more christian books! really.

oh daryl's overseas! and im glad he is doing something tt he wanted to for quite some time and it will be a time of depending on God and learning to serve. oh im so gonna miss this nice brother! hang in there ya! :)

im really feeling quite weird now tt Oleves over. like helloe? what in the world lah. no lah, but cause we were all busy studying/trying to study at least during and before exams but now like i have nothing much to do alrdy. time to reflect and seriously plan for the rest of my life man, it sounds rather scary actually. and you come to realise, hey you are out of sec school life, time to move on and embark on another more changelling journey! yes more changelling. =)

pray on, run on, trust on. yes Jesus is still the same, forevermore.

time to move on, yongling. (:

HAPPY.

2006-11-15T16:58:00.000+08:00

finally!!! :D
man you cant imagine my joy! ha, heck abt the results for a moment. and yes, im left with only 2 MCQ papers! yippppppppppeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!

had POA paper just now. it was pretty okay. =) meeting ximin&weisheng for dinner later!
finally i can blog blog blog! online online online! shop! shop! shop! laugh laugh laugh! play play play! retreat retreat reatreat! hang out hang out hang out! hang out w EVERYONE! and with kor!!!!! :D :D

oh something really terrible happen to me tt affected me for the past days. tt damm incident. but im really thankful to God for everything and for everyone. thru every thing tt happen He really teaches me alot. i come to realised once again tt im still precious in God's eyes, still cared for and still loved by God. i know how my brothers and sisters in christ mean SO MUCH to me. all valuables can be replaced, but relationships with ppl cant. i really LOVE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU. I REALLY DO. REALLY REALLY. thankyou for being so loving and precious to me. God is good, more than good, cant be better, He's great enough.

:D altights im gg to search for FOOD. im carving for SUSHI! :D hmm maybe pasta too, what abt CHICKEN&MUSHROOM pizza?! :D

im happy. Jesus rocks!
yongling.

irriteted. ah

2006-10-29T19:58:00.001+08:00

im so super irritated now.

AAHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

im so confused and i super dont understand.

of all days, today! tmr is my Olevels exam lah,

HELLLLOOOO.

AWWWWWWW. im really irritated. =(

im upset & disappointed.

with just simply/maybe eveything.

*SREAMMMMMMMMMM*

irriteted. ah

2006-10-29T19:58:00.000+08:00

im so super irritated now.

AAHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

im so confused and i super dont understand.

of all days, today! tmr is my Olevels exam lah,

HELLLLOOOO.

AWWWWWWW. im really irritated. =(

im upset & disappointed.

with just simply/maybe eveything.

*SREAMMMMMMMMMM*

need your prayers.

2006-10-28T22:44:00.000+08:00

AHH! i blog a whole lot and now its gone. this stupid blogger.com :( this irritating thing.

monday is Olevel chinese paper and im feeling super weird abt it. AAHHH. =(

i feel like i break into someone else's house today. cause the owner is not ard and i studied the whole day there. didnt study alot, just a little. hais. i really feel quite trapped and pressurized recently. love is shown in diff ways tt make me feel so super unloved. but i know ppl care. but im really trying, trying to study hard, to care&love like Jesus do. i dont want to give up ministry or what so ever because of studies. i promise to balance and try k. i still want you to care, to be more than a leader, but a friend, a brother-in-Christ. God, pls help me.

ah, im really feeling terrible, so terrible. :( my QT aint going anywhere too. i really need a good break, a retreat to somewhere comfortable, without worries. hmm sounds like heaven. heh. leave me alone, wont youS. AAHHHH, im really gg crazy too. deep down into depression. aww//.

and randomly, i miss kor! *laughs.

i bought the book, my utmost for the highest today! and i love it. and hey, im gg to be serious abt getting real with God. serious.

pls, pray for me, i want to be able to finish stronger.

Os.Os.Os.

2006-10-28T22:20:00.000+08:00

monday is chinese Olevels. AAHHH. :( im feeling so super weird abt it.

i feel like i broke into someone else's house today. heh, cause the owner wasnt at home and i spent the whole day studying there. din do quite alot, just alittle bit. aw :( ha, its quite weird tho. but i like it there, really! :D i love everything there, im starting to like the scary dog tooo! love<333>

recently, i really feel quite unhappy tho. i felt so trapped. maybe love is being shown in diff ways tt makes me feel so unloved. but well, i know ppl still care. =) i feel tt im living my life for the sake of others, i live, i do things cause others want me to. i feel so horrible! and i really feeel so under pressure and so controlled. but ya, i know :) its for my own good. God, pls help me. but QT is not getting anywhere too. ah, i feel so terrible, so bad, so not consistent, so unworthy of His love. =(

i really need a retreat, to somewhere comfortable, without worries. (hmm sounds like heaven) i want to go on cruise/holiday and ya da ya da. okays, you know what, i should study more now. ah. ok, pls stop staring at me. stop giving me pressure. i beg you. i want you to still care, but nt like tt ok? pls. i want you to be more than a leader but a friend, a brother in christ.

okay, randomy- i miss kor! *laughs.

i bought the book today! my utmost for the highest! love. (:

im serious abt getting real with God again, im serious. the battlefield is our mind, and the battle? it belongs to our Lord. (:

im Yours.

yonglingg.

feeeling green today.

2006-10-26T12:46:00.000+08:00

we gonna dance dance dance in the freedom we know.
because the freedom we know its gonna last forever!

alrights, i woke up feeling weird today. ah, im lazier.heh. spent time reading book and yes! i completed the book tt daryl gave me like donkey months ago. =) now i have to search for new book to read. lovelove. reading is good for you. and yes i know bigfreak will agree *grins* i love the way some writer writes, they really get me so caught up in a book, man its only a book! heh. life been getting more real now than Olevels are like 4days away and tt more things are starting to surface.

making sure your own walk with God are constant and on track is hard enough sometimes. dont even talk abt learning to wait upon God and leading others closer to Jesus. argh, im really weird. walk on, press on, hang in there, you are not alone, God is with you. all these words sound really familiar ya? all the standard words from a friend, use to comfort you. somehow yes we appreaciate them more than anything but sometimes situation at tt time just doesnt allow those words to sound good enough. oh wells.

okayy, i should learn to love like Jesus loves and yes i told many before, i want to care like Jesus cares. our God is also a God for the abandon, the unloved.

God, give me compassion and love to love&care like You do. most importantly, i ask for Your grace upon me and pls grant me passion for Your name. help me say, i love You, father.

my God is mighty to save, :D

blah.

2006-10-25T23:58:00.000+08:00

:( i need to study more!

today. im so not feeling happy. :( dont ask me why, dont really know too. haha. just not feeling very good. :( i dreamt tt i found my ez-link card, haha. arghh, dreams are so beautiful! , but i hate it when i woke up and realised its just a dream. how sad...

why is life always so complicated? gr.
maybe we should just make things simpler, dont think so much. life just goes on man.
no matter what, i think the most important thing to me is being happy. whatever you want to do, want to be, its important to be happy ya! heh. i feel so weird blogging like tt, so nonsense haha. =P

well, im pretty glad tt i got a new blog. new url, new skin, new posts, new start :) i guess it is still pretty low-profile, keep it tt way ya. i want to be able to talk whatever i want here, i want to be ME! :D heh.

aw, im feeling alittle tired. but i dont feel like sleeping. its night time, and its when we start to think..abt almost everything, life. i kinda miss alot of things. school, spending time with family, spending time with IDentified/close group of ppl. i miss daddy, i miss my ez-link card, i miss being joyful, i miss being funny, heh. i miss spending time with God, i miss being the girl of earnest trust. (quote lu) help. you think im depressed? heh, perhaps but maybe nt tt serious.

alrights, stop thinking so much yongling. sleep early is good for you. its abt one alrdy. nights.

pray pray pray pray!
yongling.

:(

2006-10-24T22:34:00.000+08:00

today, again, i realised how life can be so fragile.

i dream of daddy again, dreamt tt he's alive! i really miss daddy. :( i always dream of him and the image tt we went out together. family outing. its so fun lah. but once i wake up, you realised tt its all a dream.

grief lingers.

children rocks.

2006-10-24T22:12:00.000+08:00

we still ROCKS. :D

i love kids, every single one. teri too <3>

random!

2006-10-24T12:49:00.000+08:00

i studied quite abit ytd and im happy =)
alrights, dont really have much time online, but i like it this way. spending little time online, check e-mails, blog, read, smile.

studying been alrights, not say super fantastic but im pretty fine, just dont quit ya? i been really encouraged by alot of ppl and you know sometimes when so many ppl care you must admit tt it is because God cares. =)

been spending quite alot of time with ximin and my kor recently, its good. ha, its the different season of life thing. its like this period of time, i spend more time with these ppl, next period of time, spend more time with the other ppl, well i guess good things and good times wont last :) but thank God for good times too!

im really glad tt sfc is making good progress, keep praying for us k? and reach us at :
radiatorsforchrist@hotmail.com and also our blog, shineforchrist-.blogspot.com

alrightys, going to mug. i will blog soon really. =) love.

Jesus shall be the reason i smile.

yongling.

only you will i adore.

2006-10-23T09:05:00.000+08:00

after so long of deciding to change blogskin, change blog and ya da ya da, i finally settled down in one again.

new start, i decided to live just for Jesus, His name, i will glorify and praise.

dont want to wast time find new blogskin, so yah, =) think being simple is cool too. i will change until someone has completed custom making my blogskin :D

Olevels is like 7 days. mug harder yongling. :D ha.

alrightys, go to run! blog on ppl, loves.

"oh i love you more than i can say. :D"

yongling.!